Staying on theme with being a loser, I struggled to find another thing I’m good at. Then it came to me…

I may not be good at much but I excel at ruining relationships. 

Now I have to give credit where credit is due. Some of these methods I learned from my toxic partners in the past. (Shout out to Stacy! JK) 

Regardless this guide will teach you methods to successfully ruin any good relationship.

It’s mostly for romantic relationships, but don’t worry these techniques work just as well on friends and family. (Maybe I’ll write one specifically for friends in the future.)

Mindset is everything.

So treat it like a game, or like WAR.

They are NOT on the same team… They’re not your partner.  They aren’t on your side or an ally. Enter every relationship like it’s a competition.

Your “loved” one is in opposition.

Everything they do has hidden motives. Even kindness? Suspicious…

Always assume they have nothing but negative intentions. Even when their actions say otherwise. They’re probably trying to trick you, or make you put your guard down.

Always suspect and assume the worst. Never be clear with your intentions either. That way you can foster mistrust from them as well.

Keep them guessing and always play childish games to protect yourself. Test them.

Run childish phycological tests while also pushing their buttons, testing their patience and draining their empathy.

Remember… Who cares the least WINS.

The one who “wins” holds all the power. And that’s what it is all about!

If they can’t read your mind… Are they really your soulmate?

They should know what you want before you want or need it.

Even when you can’t decide, they should know. But also you should definitely scold them for jumping to conclusions and assuming that’s what you want without asking you first. Contradict yourself. Create a paradox.

BUT If you do decide to tell them…

Make sure they’re distracted. Be indirect, cryptic and drop hints and clues instead of telling them clearly.

Or sigh and roll your eyes as they guess.

Be passive aggressive. The silent treatment is an awesome way to torture them.

But… Make sure that they know that you are ignoring them and that you’re upset. Slam doors, roll your eyes, and shake your head disapprovingly at them. 

When they ask you what is wrong, walk away or say nothing and continue to ignore them. Or my favorite… Give them contradicting answers like…

“It’s fine.” 

“Like you don’t know.”

“Nothing wrong. Everything is fine.” 

The more obvious that things are not fine the better.

Keep them guessing. Confuse the “enemy”. Your “partner” isn’t there to work things out with you but be against you. If they don’t know why you’re upset they already failed the test.

Never listen to what they are saying but instead ALWAYS listen for your turn to talk. 

Don’t address what they are saying. Or better yet talk over them and raise your voice to assert dominance.

It’s about winning the argument. Not seeing it from their perspective. Or trying to understand your “partner.”

Apologizing and taking accountability is a sign of weakness.

When they do apologize and you don’t cause you did nothing wrong, go to the next step…

You don’t want to just communicate poorly but also harbor feelings of resentment.

Then let it fester, and bring it up preferably during an unrelated argument. Or even better bring it up when you’re out with friends or family, especially if the vibe is good.

Refuse to forgive your partner despite a honest apology, even if they took accountability and tried to reconcile the situation. 

Now this is the most important…

MAKE SURE TO BRING UP OTHER PEOPLE OR YOUR EX. Is your current partner completely different than your ex? Or a carbon copy… Doesn’t matter.

Bring all your baggage from previous relationships to the new one. 

Did you know that holding onto transgressions negatively impact your mood, elevates your stress hormones, weakens your immune system, and overall health?

What a great way to make your partner pay than make them take care of your sick, miserable ass.

Cling to all of their mistakes and bring up past mistakes your exes made. Hyper-focus on everything that is wrong with them.

Which leads me to the next step. 

Stay negative. Focus on the flaws. They could always be doing better.

Pay attention to all of the things they do wrong. Minimize all the good things they do or don’t mention it. Always mention their mistakes and blow it out of proportion. 

Now this is CRUCIAL! 

Don’t tell them how to fix the problem. NO…

Argue for the sake of drama and adrenaline. Reaffirm negative talk. Lower their self-esteem.

Studies show that relationships with at least five positive interactions for every one negative interaction are likely encourage more of the things you do like.

Positive Reinforcement is shown to be more effective and make both parties happier over time, according to relationship experts. 

So avoid all the studies, and nag, be hyper-critical of everything and compare them to others. Your partner will love when you bring someone else up. 

“Jill’s husband doesn’t do that.” 

“Why can’t you be more like _____(insert name of your ex, their best friend or sibling)

Extra points for hypocrisy. Criticize them for things you’re also doing. Or accuse them of things you’re doing. Projection is key.

This is a sure fire way for them to resent you and start another argument in the future when they see that you’re doing the very thing that you’re critical of. 

Do as you say not as you do. They should always feel like pleasing you is a life long term, impossible goal...

Which leads to Step 5…

Although you are always making your partner feel like sh!t and their life a living hell… 

They should treat you like an angel and you should feel like royalty. They should give you the princess treatment while you treat them like a street peasant.

Your emotions are the only one that is valid.

It’s your partners responsibility to make and sustain your happiness at all times. Your mood and self-esteem is completely your partners responsibility. 

You should always have the lovey, dovey feeling. Them butterflies better never sleep.

It's NOT about commitment, growth, compromise or to care about the other person's well-being. Even if they bend over backwards for you, never be satisfied. 

You want to create a paradox, where no matter what they do, they’re doing it wrong and it’s not enough.

All while expecting the initial rush of romance, lust and infatuation should never end or pass.

This leads to the most important step….

You should probably break up right as the honeymoon phase is ending. When all their cute quirks become annoying and you can’t stand the way they chew. 

Long-term relationships are a lot of work… So keep it short and sweet.

 It takes a lot of effort, time, trust  and resources, to build a strong and lasting bond with another person. It will require compromise and compassion. 

It will require both of you to be considerate, grow in ways that won’t be comfortable, learning how to deal and overcome your own issues but also work as team.

Including and implementing another person in your daily life will be incredibly challenging. 

So… The moment when things get difficult or theirs a disagreement, leave. 

If they don’t do what you want, exactly how you want, leave.

It’s about what YOU want. Show them how much you don’t care. 

But don’t break up in a normal healthy way…

NO!

First weaponize all the information that they told you when they were being honest and vulnerable. Remind them that it’s all their fault and they are useless. 

Spread their secrets to others. Air their dirty laundry. Or…

Go ghost. Why communicate or give them any kind of closure? Nah…. Just block them from everything and act like they never existed.

Follow these steps consistently and you’ll be alone in no time.

Because you chose it. You’re in control. They didn’t leave you. You left them.

You’re just…

“Protecting your peace.” “This is who you are. If they can’t deal with it, their loss.”

Besides people always disappoint you anyway.

You played the game. You stayed guarded. You protected yourself.
You never lost… because you never really showed up.

Awareness, self reflection and working on yourself is for suckers. It’s painful. They should conform to your needs ONLY… NEVER COMPROMISE!

You could break the cycle… You could communicate, forgive, soften, listen, and grow…

You could learn from past relationships, and become the kind of partner you’d actually want to love. To give the same effort, you want to receive.

You don’t have to keep sabotaging connection. But that’s scary…

SO…. Keep mistaking control for safety or distance for strength.

You could stop treating relationships like battles, or childish games. But nah…

Most people don’t fail at relationships because they’re unlovable. They fail because staying alone feels safer than being seen.

Because the truth is… 

You realize the only thing you ever protected yourself from was being loved. 

Most failed relationships don’t end from lack of love… They end when two people keep choosing to protect their ego instead of each other.